What's the hardest tea to swallow?

On Monday I went ice skating. At 20 years old (or almost-twenty-one as I like to call it) I have never been in my life. Not once. It may have to do with the fact that I live in Florida, although I just found out my little brother went ice skating four days prior, so it's probably really because, let's be frank here, I never really cared to. What was ice skating to a girl who lived her who life in paradise on the beach? I'll tell you: pointless. 

I was quick to find out that out here in Utah, it's kind of a big deal. When you tell people you've never been skating in your whole life, they tend to give you reactions similar to the one I'd imagen Paula Deen would give you if you told her you didn't eat butter.

Shout out to Chelsea for that one.

Thus FHE ice skating was born. And I went, like a lamb to the slaughter. I kid you not, from the moment I walked in those doors to the moment I walked right back out them, I was shaking like I had shot myself up with pure caffeine. I couldn't even tie my own boots it was so bad. I had to get one of my friends to do it for me.

The thing about it was that I wasn't even sure what I was expecting to happen once I stepped on the ice. For most of the night I continuously convinced myself that I didn't have to worry because certainly any man that caught wind of a beautiful damsel in distress would drop everything to rescue her. It worked so well that by the time I stepped on the ice, I was flabbergasted that they instead chose to laugh at me through the lenses of their iPhon cameras as they videoed me clinging to the side of the rink. I guess I was just hoping that a man would take me by the hands and we would just glide off into the sunset. Instead I spent my first few times around the rink death gripping my roommate's hand as well as her boyfriend's. I felt like Jenna Fisher in Blades of Glory whenever she's with Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.

Expectation

Reality.

Things did change when I managed to find someone to teach me the basics and guide me through it. It ened up being a blast and really I find it quite sad I didn't try it sooner. I mean, I only fell twice, and I managed to keep up with most people who were skating. After that night, I really see skating in my future. Maybe I should drop-out and become a figure skater. You hear those crazy 'didn't-start-doing-such-and-such-sport-until-he-was-nineteen' miracles all the time in pro sports, so why couldn't I be one of them? Probably because I lack coordination 95% of the time (I have two bruises on the same arm, and three on my leg all from running into various, stationary objects).

Overall, the experience made me think about things, and by things I mean the fact that I am single because, let's face it, that's all I think about. I went over to this guy's house a few nights ago, and I was actually looking forward to it. There was... a little bit of interest, newly found, hanging around deep inside of me, and I was quite curious to see if there was anything present on his side. I don't exactly know what I was expecting. A date? A confession? A proposal (haha)? That he'd a least give me one shred of genuine attention? Obviously too much, because I left feeling... odd. Unsatisfied? Let down? Bummed? And then I remember a quote from a movie I recently watched:

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!"*

I was that girl. I was the one always letting things get to my head. I was the Michael Scott of my relationships. I always imagined them greater than they actually were. And it's not that my relationships and flings weren't great, because mostly they were, it's just that in my head I made them out to be more than they actually were in reality. And why do I do this? Because I just want to be married so badly. Why? I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE.

I ask myself this on a constant basis. Why do I, at twenty, want to badly to be married? Why don't I want what pretty much every other twenty something on the face of the plant wants: to finish college, start a stable career, and party on the side.

So I thought about it. I pondered, and mused, and questioned myself, and I think I came up with an answer. It's just how I was raised. You see, in the Latter-day Saint culture, marriage is incredibly important and incredibly sacred (and that's sacred not secret. get yo facts straight). The family is the foundation of our religion, the reason we believe we were placed on this earth in the first place. Our ultimate goal is to raise a loving family in the best way we can.

Now, at the same time, education is strongly encouraged for both men AND women. How can you raise a family in this day and age without money? It's hard, and education is essential. The LDS faith also strongly encourages gaining knowledge on all front. President Gordon B. Hinckley, one of the great leaders of our church for a time, said:

"It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can. The Lord has said very plainly that His people are to gain knowledge of countries and kingdoms and of things of the world through the process of education, even by study and by faith. Education is the key which will unlock the door of opportunity for you. It is worth sacrificing for. It is worth working at, and if you educate your mind and your hands, you will be able to make a great contribution to the society of which you are a part, and you will be able to reflect honorable on the Church of which you are a member. My dear young brothers and sisters, take advantage of every educational opportunity that you can possibly afford, and you fathers and mothers, encourage your sons and daughters to gain an education which will bless their lives". 

However, we do place a great value on marriage between a man and a women, and the joy that is brought about with the inclusion of children into that sacred bond. For whatever reason, a great desire for that very thing is present within me. And those desires very from person to person. There are tons of LDS young adults who aren't looking to get married any time soon (although the leaders do strongly encourage dating and marriage).

It's a bit of a struggle learning how to balance social life and school, especially when I'd much rather be out with people than writing a 10 page paper (like I should be doing now). Sometimes it results in really hard lessons I have to learn, but in the end, I always come out on top. I know that both my education and my constant desire to have a family are worthy goals to work towards, it's just a matter of disciplining myself in the art of patience. Maybe if I get that down, I can look into not only marriage, but also becoming a professional figure skater like I mentioned earlier. Who knows, maybe one day you'll see me in the Olympics.

xo

bailey

*+10 to anyone who can name that movie. Also, for those of you who didn't catch on to the title of my post, the answer is 'reality'. Ha. Hahahaha.