Turkey Day 2012

This is my third Thanksgiving away from my family, and surprisingly, it gets harder each time. This semester has been filled with absurd amounts of homesickness and handling things I didn't ever think I'd have to handle this early in life. Last Thursday I attended the Women in Business semi-annual dinner where successful business woman Lisa Bearnson spoke to us about 'raindrops' being blessings in disguise. She shared with us this song:

She didn't get all the way through it, but far enough to put me in a fit of tears. The chorus of the song had the most impact on me.

"What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? What if trials in this life are your mercies in disguise?"

I couldn't help but reflect back over some of the more difficult trials in my life and ask myself those very questions. And the more I dug, the more I found truth in those words. A little over a year ago I faced one of the hardest trials of my life, one I wouldn't wish on even the worst of my enemies. Without going into too much detail, it was a trial that brought me to my knees every night, crying with great power unto my Savior for forgiveness. I wanted so badly to be home with my family, away from the harsh reality of adulthood. Until that time came, I tried to find happiness in the little things. Turns out  I found it in the rain. It reminded me of home, especially when the clouds hung low enough to cut off the mountain tops a they twisted through the canyon. For a small moment in time, I was back in Florida, watching the rain pittle-paddle on the rooftops from my porch.

Nothing's changed.

Thanksgiving came around and I was able to escape to Kaysville for a mini vacation. It may not have been my mommie and daddie and bubbie and loafer, or even my own dog, but it was close enough to satisfy my homesickness for a short amount of time. I still cried, but it was through crying that I came to heal, just like it said in the song. Through the tears and the trials, I came to know and love myself so much more than I ever had before, and I came to know my Savior just as well, if not better. I came to and understanding of my own suffering and my own trials I was facing at the time, and I experienced exponential growth not only spiritually, but mentally and emotionally as well. Slowly I began to rebuild my faith, and I was able to forgive myself for my mistakes, as well as those who had hurt me. 

Later in her talk, Lisa mentioned how she has kept a gratitude journal to help her always remember that there are blessings to find even in the worst of times. She then challenges us to keep a gratitude journal, and see how it affects our lives. Normally I would think it was a good idea and then push it from my mind, but there was something about this challenge, pair with the lyrics of the song she shared, that really resonated within me and sparked a desire to achieve the same level of knowing as Lisa. So that very night I went home and started my very own gratitude journal (that's where the first picture came from). 

My results were immediate. I could feel my own happiness increase, as well as an increase in the Lord's love for me. It wasn't that suddenly he loved me more, he always loved me unconditionally, but rather now that I was acknowledging his love, it was becoming more and more apparent to me that it even existed.

Not too long ago I was talking to my roommate about a small relapse into depression that I was experiencing. It wasn't that I didn't know my Father in Heaven loved me, but rather that I didn't think the people around me loved me. I had a hard time connecting with the people in my ward and classes, and I felt incredibly displaced in the world. Dating was (and still is, honestly) a mess. I didn't know who to trust or who to let myself have any sort of attachment to, because the minute I did, they were gone. My friends consisted of two people (or at least I thought that), and my family was 2,451 miles away. 

At the end of each day, I decided I would go through my day and write down things I was grateful for. It started out with things like 'I'm grateful Tanner willingly covered my shift today' or 'I'm grateful class was canceled', but then I started to notice the smaller things during the day, like the little boy that smiled and waved at me as I was taking a break after a particularly stressful shift. It wasn't anything big, just a small smile and wave, but at the time it meant the world to me. It was so sweet and so innocent and just full of that little boy's love for the world. I began to feel the love of those around me!

I grew in happiness because I was actively seeking it in a healthy manner. During the day I would notice little blessings, like the guy who held the door open for me, or the parking attendant who let us go for free instead of paying 10 dollars, and those little things would begin to lift my spirits. Now, after a week of writing, I've found an overall increase in joy in my life. 

Lisa shared with us a quote by French novelist Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette: 

"What a wonderful life I've had, if only I had realized it sooner."

I want to share with you the challenge to keep a daily gratitude journal. It doesn't have to be a novel each night, sometimes it's just a list of five things, sometimes it's longer. It takes a total of five minutes a night, and I promise to you that you will feel happier. It doesn't matter if you're a believer of God or not! For me it was a recognition of the Lord's love for me, but for you it might be a recognition that you're life isn't as bad as you thought, or that people aren't as awful as you believed. 

Either way, I'd like to leave you with a talk by one of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint's presidency members, Dieter F. Uchtdorf. Again, you don't have to believe in God to take something away from this magnificent message. 

I am thankful for: