Over it... almost

Nothing feels better than the release of something that's been weighing on you for months at a time (especially when that something is a break-up). I've found, in my many years, that music can be a great release during times of pain and struggle. The genre of music or specific song varies from person to person, struggle to struggle. For me, break-up songs can help me get through almost any trial, specifically those songs that leave me smiling after every repeat.

Lately, I've had two songs that I just cannot get out of my head. I hum them everywhere, listen to them on repeat during my runs, and laugh and giggle at the pure joy the give me in knowing that everything is going to be okay.

The first is hilarious. It's Train's new song "50 Way to Say Goodbye". You might think me cruel and heartless for finding joy in the death of my exs, but that's not the case. The joy I find is in the idea of creating hilarious false deaths for them instead of owning up to the truth (pretty much the epitome of my life).  Favorite line: "She dried up in the desert, drowned in a hottub, danced to death at an East side night club"

The second is a little more somber. Florence + The Macine's "The Dog Days Are Over". This song gives me peace on my anxiety ridden days. I love the idea of the mourning period after a break-up being related to the 'dog days' of summer. They're usually the hardest, hottest of the season, just like the mourning period is the hardest of a break-up. The song talks about leaving your "loving and longing" behind, because hanging onto them will drive you crazy.

I find this song incredibly relatable. I cling to the memories of late night trips to the grocery store, walks around the gardens on campus, the tension of our first kiss, and the joy of being in his arms. They slowly drag me down, further and further into the blackness of depression. My anxiety feeds them with false hope of making those fantasies a reality once again. 

This song has helped me recognize that I can't "run with the horses" if I'm stuck slaving away in the dog days (see what I did there?). There is something better out there for me (whether it be ocupational, a chance to travel, or even love) and I can't progress with the past holding me back. It's liberating to finally come out of this ridiculous trough I've been trudging away in and appreciate the beauty in the friends I have and the family that loves me. Favorite line: "Leave all your loving and longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive"

(I'm giving you this video because the actual music video is freaking weird)

UPDATE: I feel like I should clarify a few things here. I still have very deep, very real feelings with concerns to this event. What has relieved me of my pain is accepting the fact that his happiness doesn't necessarily include me. I've finally come to terms with the fact that whatever he chooses, whatever is decided, I'll be able to live with it because I trust that it is all for the better good. I know that the Lord will make everything he's promised me possible, so long as I continue on in his path and live the gospel worthily every day. I've finally learned to trust the Lord with these feelings and it's made all the difference.