Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I wrote again.



For the first time in years (not a joke) I wrote... really wrote. I just sat down and let it rip until my fingers numbed from slamming against the keyboard. Then I sat back and examined my work, and I realized something: I am a depressing person... at least tonight I am. I would like to think it was worth it though, because I was able to just get myself onto the paper... or document I guess.

It was interesting too because my reason excuse for refraining from writing as of late is a lack of inspiration, but after tonight I realized I was just looking in the wrong place. Someone inadvertently inspired me tonight, and for that I thank them. Reading their work made my heart flutter the way it does when I listen to Taylor Swift's 'Love Story'. They weren't being romantic or anything, it was just that my response to the words they used gave me miniature hart palpitations. It was beautiful and raw and slightly depressing, and I fell in love with writing all over again. Suddenly I was overcome with the desire to write like I haven't written since I was sixteen. I wanted everything I was feeling to be reflected in my work, wether it was happy, sad, frustrating, or even, heaven forbid, SEXUAL (haha).

SO I DID IT. I wrote. And I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote (that one's for Mitchell). And at the end, I smiled because I felt this incredible release of emotion. Sure it turned out incredible depressing, BUT I DON'T CARE BEAUSE I LIKE IT. I do. Of course, I'm incredibly inexperienced, therefore it could use some a lot of work, but overall I'm happy with it because it's real.

Not sure if I want to share it with you guys yet, and it's not because it's inappropriate or anything, but rather, I'm afraid of how you will take it. I'm afraid you'll think I'm someone who sits in bed and sobs day after day eating bon bons and watching the six hour remake of Pride and Prejudice (oh wait...). I'll think about it. MAYBE, just maybe it'll be my next post.

In the meantime, word to yo mother.

xo
bailey

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Sometimes, it's like


I honestly don't know why I'm so bad at blogging. It's especially ridiculous since I now get a grade for it and will most likely fail due to my inability to maintain consistency in really anything in my life. 

Anyways, I guess I'm supposed to be writing for 8 minutes for my assignment. I think I just have a hard time coming up with a subject and feeling like what I say is of any importance to you people. I was reading my friend's blog, and I found myself becoming increasingly envious of his ability to write about  various stories in his life and just... stuff. I'm not good at writing about stuff. I'm also not good at writing about specific topics (why am I an English major again?). 

May it's not that I'm not good. Maybe it's just that I'm insecure. I think that's what it is because sometimes I can write the crap out of stuff. When I get in the zone it's like I'm set to auto pilot with no destination. I just keep going —and I have to wonder if I'm rambling and how many of you stop reading at points like this. I'm guilty of it, so I know you all do it. 

The whole point of this I guess, is to share with you some ideas I have, and more specifically a project I'm working on. 


I need some feedback. Please. I'm not asking, I'm begging. I want to know what my readers like and don't like about my writing. I want critique and maybe even a little praise. 

Secondly, I have an idea to start a blog specifically about my dating life. Okay, okay, before you get all weird about this, let me explain.

I've dated. A lot. I've been engaged, I've been in love, I've been heartbroken more times than I care to list (10+). I fel like I have some stuff to share here. What do you think? Some of you know my past dating life. Is this a good idea? I think I might try it soon... experiment. I'll keep you posted. 
(For those of you reading who may have participated in my romantic past, don't fret dear children, I will  change your names)

I think that's it for the night. It's been 8 minutes I do believe (this probably isn't the kind of writing you wanted Ann Dee... sorry). I'll keep you updated with any news on new ventures. For now, go read that other blog and tell me what you think so I can quit whining about it.

xo
bailey


Saturday, November 10, 2012

Jumping

This is not a depressing post despite what this picture may imply.

I am failing at keeping my blog updated (what's new). You know that moment when everything you've been balancing so well in life finally catches on to gravity and topples over? That's what the last couple of months weeks have been like. I've juggled a few term papers, a calling, part time job, exam or two, an awkward almost-but-not-really relationship with a seemingly uninterested man, and being away from my family (and that's just to name a few). It's come to the point where I feel like that guy at the circus who balances on metal cylinders stack on top of each other while perched on the edge of a three foot wide rickety table, and everyone watching is holding their breath waiting to see what will happen. Will Bailey be able to balance it until December 16th, when she can escape it all underneath the palm trees of her beachfront home town, or will she crack and give into the desire to drop out of school and become a mountain-dwelling hermit. Probably the latter.

This blog post was not meant to depress, but rather explore the manner in which I've been handling and escaping my stress: jumping. I jump into things. Not like walls and buildings and people, but things like projects, relationships (both romantic and unromantic), papers, service, activities, etc. I want to share with you one of the project that I recently engulfed myself with to escape the worry of writing a 7 page research paper I would later get a C+ on because I forgot the MLA formatting for ellipsis.

The LDS church believes in setting aside one night a week for the enrichment of the family. It is known as Family Home Evening, or FHE. Usually families will gather together (typically on a Monday night) and edify one another both spiritually and emotionally. One person will give a lesson on something like faith, charity, or service, and everyone will participate in an open family discussion. This is followed by some kind of activity/board game/recreational sporty thing and a treat. For example, around Christmas time, my family would focus on the life of Christ and then we would bake cookies and take them to our neighbors or go and look at christmas lights and sing song in the car together.

Out here at BYU, where many aren't able to see their immediate family more than once a year, let alone once a week, they implement FHE on Monday nights through groups of apartments that become a sort of mock family. Some people think it's weird, some people love it. I use to think it was weird. I mean, these people don't know me, so why should I dedicate my Monday nights to them? Then I was called as an FHE mom (a 'calling' is a position in the church that members will fill for free. For example being a bishop, or an activities planner, or a seminary teacher. My mom currently wakes up every morning to teach the high school aged children in our congregation about the Old Testament. It's known as early morning seminary and is optional, but highly encouraged. I did 4 years of it in high school and I loved it). Now I love it, and look forward to seeing these people every Monday. Some of them have become dear friends of mine.

As an 'FHE mom', along with the 'FHE dad', I hold the responsibility of planning and preparing spiritually edifying lessons and enjoyable activities for the apartments assigned to my 'family'. We do various things, like play night games, paint twister, bake cookies, etc., but every once in awhile we do something grand. This last week, it was a Harry Potter themed Halloween party. All of the FHE 'families' were assigned to Hogwarts houses and the FHE 'parents' were in charge of helping to organize some way for each house to show their spirit.

Naturally, I got stuck with the Hufflepuff house. At first I was afraid (I was petrified. ha) because I knew that my group wouldn't get really involved with such a lame house, but then I really jumped into this project, and it turned out to be one of the best nights of my life (I'm not even joking right now. totally serious). Here's what we did:


We became the Hufflepuff Hipsters.









We attended classes and competed for house points... and won.
(sort of)

Potions


With Professor Snape

Defense Against the Dark Arts

Dementor!
 With Gilderoy Lockheart

He signs arms

Broom Races


With Madame Hooch


& Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid


Announcing the Winners




And we even made desserts! In the end, Hufflepuff came in second place, losing only by 10 house points (beat out by Ravenclaw who only won because they were really good at drinking chocolate milk and mixing drinks). So, overall Hufflepuff proved that they were just as good as the rest of the houses, especially when it came to making desserts ;)






xo,
bailey

Pictures thanks to Clint Calder, Natalie McChesney and Myself! Haha!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Some of My Favorites

On Saturday we all went to the parade to support Zona Marie who was doing a beautiful job at dancing for the Folk Dance Team! Yaaay Marie! I was so excited when she came dancing by that I jumped up from the curb to cheer and totally forgot to use my camera and take a picture of her. To make up for it, I decided to just take pictures of the people I was with. I think each picture accurately describes my relationship with said person.

Sweet Britton stopped eating his food to take this picture with me. 
He's always so darling.



It took me three tries to get one where Nick wasn't being a butt munch. 
If he wasn't so darn cute I'd smack him.

Beautiful Janine.... and Britton.


Tim took two tries, and was much easier to handle than Nick. 



I think all of these accurately describe Janine and I.

I dearly love all of my friends in this ward. I think I finally found a place to stay... permanently.

xo
bailey 

Friday, October 12, 2012

Wardies

As much as I love my new ward,





Sometimes I miss my old one.