Life's Lessons

Recently a good friend of mine got engaged to the love of her life. I got to sit and listen to her gush about his cute proposal, the beautiful ring, finding ‘the dress’, and the excitement she has to spend the rest of her life- no eternity- with her best friend. While I couldn’t be happier for her (don't get me wrong, I am super freaking happy for her), sometimes I find myself resenting others because they have the one thing I want- true (true true true) love.

Most people who read this blog know me and know what a “hopeless romantic” I am. My heart skips beats when Taylor Swift belts out “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said ‘Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone, I love you and that’s all I really know’” in Love Story. I melt at the sight of a man, particularly one I fancy, holding flowers for me. I practically survive off chick flicks. I swoon at the thought that one day I will see it in his eyes that no matter how dorky I can be (and let me tell you… I can be dorky), how angry I might make him, how ridiculous my overreactions get, he will always, always love me. ME. (Let's face it, I love love!)

For some reason though, I’m struggling finding him- that one guys who is supposed to feel the same, who is supposed to want to be with me all of the time. Want to hold me. Want to dance with me in the rain. Want to look at me the way Jim looks at Pam, the way Michael looks at Holly, the way Beast looks at Belle, the way Mr. Darcy looks at Elizabeth the way my dad looks at my mom (but not the way Edward looks at Bella. I’m good, thanks).

This is where the point I’m going to make comes in. No matter how much I seek after this, dwell on it, hope for it, day dream about it, I’ve come to face the fact that can’t actually have it until I’m ready- and this is where I pose the question: am I? I sure would like to think I am, I mean heck, I was engaged not too long ago! My problem seems to be that I keep leaving out the key factor in this all: the Lord.

The Lord loves me, as he loves all of his children; however, he has a special way of loving me. That’s called ‘Bailey is super stubborn, so I’m going to teach her a little something called ‘patience’ because she can’t seem to wrap her thick head around the concept’. Now, I’m sure he thinks that in a much… kinder, more loving manner, but he thinks it none-the-less.

Sunday was a great day. One girl in my ward stood and bore a beautiful testimony in which she said (something along the lines of) patience shows the Lord you are willing to follow his will and accept the fact that he knows best. It’s a sign that you trust him and are willing to let things happen at a time when he knows is best for you.

Man did that hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I spend so much of my time worrying and wanting and fretting that I lose myself in my daydreams and I forget the more important things in life. I rush headfirst into things, not thinking twice about the consequences my decisions can bring. Look where that lands me- single, unhappy, and learning a really hard lesson for the umpteenth time.

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. I do it because I know that I am not alone in this. While I do have my own unique problems, trusting in the Lord is something a lot of people (I think) struggle with. I figured that by sharing my epiphany, I could help anyone out there who might be facing something similar. I plan on changing, like I said I would before; but this time I mean it.

I’ve found happiness within me, within the Lord, and within his plan. I’m turning myself over to his love and trusting that at the right time, when I am ready, I will find the man I am supposed to ‘walk hand in hand through life’ with.  Yeah, someone out there is going to love me, and while I cannot wait for that day- just the thought of it fills my heart with inexplicable joy- I know that I need to learn to. It will come when I am ready and when he is ready. Let’s just hope that he enjoys holding hands, laughing and kissing in the rain as much as I do.